Monthly Archives: November 2009

Searching for Things

Searching for Things

Many times I search and search and search for something and finally give up and ask someone else if they have it, or have seen it, or know where else I can look. The split second after I (Questioner) ask the other person (Questionee), and just before they answer, I realize where it is.

I am not sure why asking someone is the trigger for remember where something is. But it seems that I must find out in order to skip that step of asking someone unnecessarily.

There are many hypothesis floating around in my mind, none of which seem the least bit concrete. Like maybe it is a way for me to maintain some sort of bond with the Questionee.

Or maybe it is my own mind adjusting to what I perceive is the timing of interaction necessary for the Questionee to feel confident in their bond with me.

Regardless, in this situation I am going out of my way to gather information that is already in my own head, I just haven’t accessed the correct folder to it yet.

In personal, social situations I see this as acceptable because this is what everyone in my family does when we are lazy and think we’ve searched enough or know someone else definitely could find something faster. I know that a family Questionee isn’t going to think ill of me and use this minor situation against me later. But at work (where I search to the bitter end), I could possibly be perceived as incompetent, rushed, needy, not paying attention, etc. by certain people who have acquired the thought that everyone should act like robots. It is these snooty people who take tabs solely on incidents that confirm their paranoia.

A boss for example, who is in charge of a project- that, in fact, has a the work load of three bosses- cannot possibly know what is going on all the time because the boss has no time to actually manage the project. This ever-increasing fear of the project going wrong -due to an inability to properly manage it- creates a huge fear that the project has fatal errors, which will not be discovered until a cataclysmic moment. The fear propagates paranoia and so every incident that didn’t go smoothly goes on to the list of potential huge issues for which someone must be blamed for.

From there you may as well start reading from the top because the person who gets blamed for problems created out of the boss’s imagination, is powerless to do any more than employ coping mechanisms that involve analyzing her own minute behavior so as to avoid being put in the hot seat merely for asking a question….



When I was staying on the dairy farm in New Zealand, (TWO Whole years ago, damn!) the farmer’s wife was telling me stuff that was on her mind while we were making cheese from some milk we pumped out that day. One piece of information she shared is that when children first start talking to you, you have to keep listening, because the things that they really want to tell you aren’t the first subjects out of their mouth. So if you never let the kid speak and blabber on, or you tune them out, you’ll never get to the deeper layers of what is on their mind.

The same applies to me, except you can skip a fewer layers by asking me why I’m calling and I’ll answer the question.



I’ve encountered some opinions about guys (many of which I got from other guys) lately and I don’t know how to process them. First of all, the effects of someone’s opinion can be quite huge especially when there really is no viable way of finding out how accurate the opinion is except to ask other people. Even then, you just get more opinions based on an even larger base of personal experience. So I have to pitch these out, possibly for more opinions but maybe one of those opinions will lead to something that I can actually verify to the point that I stop wondering about it.

First issue: There are many guys who do not have female friends (by friends I mean long term never-slept-with-or-kissed-the-girl type of friendships).

This is confusing issue to me because I have many friends who are guys, mainly because guys are much easier to be friends with and don’t cause weird drama