Daydreaming is one of my favorite past times. That and sleeping, probably because it involves dreaming. I can’t read anyone else’s mind but I feel like I’m more of a space case than a lot of people I have met.
It’s not robotic to be in perfect tandem with the flow in life. It requires a specific logic to stay pointed in the right direction. Emotional people find it boring to look in because they don’t feel the luck. The luck might be an illusion. Maybe when people feel lucky it is just an emotion that happens to be fixated on specific activities. Those activities might be detrimental, but the emotion of luck being on your side is intoxicating. Luck shows up and simply lights up the way. Suddenly you feel lighter and more at ease because everything you are looking for is just given to you. The outcome of every decision yields dividends.
The optimism gets scary. Like all those times you were having too much fun to notice the cliff you are dancing next to. Going up that high, especially for the first time brings about severe doubt at oneself and my greater macro environment. I look around in amazement thinking at the fact that it is possible to be this happy. I did not know. I thought it was something worth striving for. It’s happiness at so many things. The doubt starts analyzing it deeper to prepare for an even greater apocalypse than was every thought possible. The what-ifing. It pairs up with fear to show me the potential outcomes of losing major pieces of my happiness pie. It’s goal is to find the source of the happiness, to prioritize what gets protected most in the event of a catastrophe. It scans all the major people in my life and imagines they die. Freaky as hell. The thoughts make me feel like those outcomes are possible soon. It takes effort to let those thoughts go.
It’s expensive to live here. It has always been expensive to live here. It shouldn’t be so surprising that people spend so much money that bills overwhelm them enough to make them cry. It’s like some sort of self flagellation for being alive. It’s a luxury to just live here without ever having to think about money. Don’t cry because you’re not one of those luxurious people. There are so many other areas in life that I’m actually luckier in that there is no sense in dwelling on the one area not maxed out right now. Besides I had that for a few months. A few glorious months of pure freedom from my self, my career, my problems, etc. I’ve tasted it. Doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Luck lite the way into it, through it, and forward to a higher plateau. Up here weight is less heavy. I don’t know that I am any stronger than before. Wiser yes, wise enough to realize that I’ve landed in a lucky spot. The world changed and I was holding my hand out like usual and this is what is going on this round.