Tag Archives: driving force

The Move from Fantasy to Reality

The Move from Fantasy to Reality

When I was a kid I would plow through fantasy books.  The nice thing about many books of that genre is that they come in whole sets.  After reading one book one day I could read another book in the series the next day.  When forced out of my book world to eat dinner, socialize, or go to school, I would wiggle in my seat in anticipation of what was about to happen next in the story. Instantly, once released from my waking life necessities, I would grab the book (which usually wasn’t far from grasp) and nestle into my pillows once again back in fantasyland.

Unfortunately, I eventually grew out of this genre.  Suddenly it didn’t take me away anymore.  All the far off lands sounded familiar.  The main character of one series strikingly resembled the chosen one from another.  Still I kept trying and kept reading to get my self back into that wonderful wash of fantasyland emotions.  In revisiting books of by gone days I could feel moments of the saturation, but sadly they were just moments.

In my searching moved around to other parts of the books store I found the fiction section and thought, “Finally!  With all these to choose from I should be quite happy to devour the contents of these shelves.”  But no, they didn’t stick.   The stories had characteristics of fantasy in that they weren’t real, but they were fantasy based on this concert jungle I already walked around in. I may as well have been watching soap operas or cheesy chick flicks. In my withdrawal state of despair I thought, “what else is left?  Reality is so boring, I don’t want to read about reality… or do I ”

It was then that I wandered into the Philosophy aisle.   Philosophy, the mother of all sciences, the root of ponderance, and driving force of figuring out what the heck is going in this life. Suddenly reality wasn’t so boring. I pondered existence, behavior, the simple things, culture, and habit.  I noticed references to it everywhere in history, advertising, phrases….it was everywhere.  The world finally had some color again.

By then I wasn’t a kid anymore.  I could not just pull out a book and read through calculus or finance classes.  I had to pay attention to the practicality of the world. Groom myself for employment opportunities and speak in simple terms to avoid being misunderstood.  After all of that, the Philosophy topics I had to leave behind were no longer interesting.  Once again, I found myself needing something to look forward to, some happy excitement to break me out of my Eeyore resting phase.  So I decided not to find it in just books… but to actually live it instead.

Wanting More as Missing Something

Wanting More as Missing Something

The most lingering, absent objects in life seem to be those that I did not get enough of. For whatever reason I was inhibited from reaching some sort of full potential, which my imagination deemed possible, and I am left with an internal confliction which refuses to be laid to rest. At one end I am at the height of happiness with my previous experiences and seek to push them further (either in my mind or in real life). At the other end is the whole realization of why it is best that it hasn’t continued to manifest in this perpetual present time.

These two poles of the matter alternate, both with completely legitimate arguments on each side. When the happiness over the thought dominates, I am totally convinced by its outright charms… but slowly the happiness fades into more sobering thoughts….that only confuse the matter in my mind. The sobering thoughts seem so realistic and based on facts that, if true, tell me that my once perceived happiness over the matter is, well, not obtainable or not really possible. I tell myself that I must forget about it because too much is at risk of going wrong if I pursue what I have been missing. This logic, painstakingly, leads me to simply carry on with my current involvements of day-to-day living, with my hands in the air because I don’t know which side of myself is to be believed. Both ideas are extreme to the point where the only middle ground is to do nothing and wait and see what happens. If nothing happens I will be free of both sides…. if something does, I will have to fully face both of them…. I’m stuck in a binary box where the answer is either accept or reject and I have a binary opinion on both of those outcomes.

Words can mean so many things… even nothing. The driving force isn’t the words because they are only taken as harshly or lightly as the listener chooses to perceive them. The fact that they were perceived a certain way is what is most telling of intentions. If you want an answer you can find it whenever you like, but it can only be based upon what you already know bent to the limits of your imagination. The difficulty is gauging how far beyond normal the imagination has taken the story and what purpose does it serve to take a few random thoughts to mean such extreme possibilities?

I’m just disturbed by discomforting news and I didn’t want to believe it, because I was tired of being crushed.