In trying to differentiate what makes someone attractive or not, I can only come up with one solid reason for why I would choose to spend more time with a person. (by attractive I mean any type of attribute which naturally [meaning subconsciously] causes me to hangout with somebody [as a friend, acquaintance, boyfriend, etc.) That one solid attribute is the fact that the image of myself which they project back to me is in line with my own esteem for myself. Yes, having things in common is a magnet (at least until we exhaust that topic) but it won’t really form any real bond because there are lots of people with whom I share many hobbies so that doesn’t, in itself, make one person stand out. It can be annoying actually, when people push and push the things we have in common down my throat, like, we may have the topic in common, but our style of talking about it clearly isn’t in common, but that’s another issue.
I think it is much more difficult to project a positive image of a person when there is too much emotion attached to them. So over time, longer relationships tend to dull out from the accumulated moments of another person projecting back at you a negative view of yourself. It is the learning exchange. You’re happy when another person picks up on a fun social game that you play because, well, you like that game and you like that you have someone to play it with. But once you see how they learned some of your negative habits, the fun is over. Because you know what they are doing because you taught it to them. They didn’t throw that psychological ball at you before because most likely they didn’t know it yet or they didn’t know it would work until something you did subconsciously clued them in.
At that point, you’re sitting there watching parts of yourself that you dislike being tossed right back at you with a devious smile and life for those moments doesn’t get any worse. You sit there, letting your body entertain the bitter body across the table from you while your mind tries to figure out what went wrong. The situation is so subtle that it isn’t worth being frank about it because it can easily be denied. But you know for sure you pissed someone off somewhere along the way and this is how they step up to the plate about it.
This is why it is good to give people time. You need to see if the positive image of yourself they usually reflect is still maintained when they are under stress because of you.