Tag Archives: signals

The rant of ages

The rant of ages

I’m lost in a sea of endless chatter

Front, back, and all around I hear the banter

I sit for days and ponder what could be

Never what could have been, maybe rarely though

The ramblings stop short in certain spots

Giving me relief from constant digestion of words to derive meanings

How can so little mean so much while at the same time not be clear

It becomes difficult to cling to the signs of the sane

when everywhere you see signs of other people clinging

If the signs aren’t clear then don’t follow them

They will only lead to friends who you can never fully grasp

Don’t be discouraged by the lack of clear signals

They are constant

Instead watch for the light houses

Their beacons always guide to go places with good food and peace of mind

Not everyone is a whole person to everyone else

If you cannot see 360 degrees then don’t bother

Some beacons are too bright, trend with caution towards them

They are sirens and devils in disguise

Don’t be surprised that these devils exist

Once you’ve meet one, you’ll be better able to spot another and thus avoid them

They take human form but fit awkwardly into the body

They cannot grasp simple things like hygiene, manners, social ques, etc.

They often claim to have a devastating mental disability or horrible upbringing, yet are extremely well educated

They are essentially harmless physically but will suck the life out of you

They feed off your energy and take over your life

These are not the real guiding beacons in life

They have nothing to show you, but only see what you can do to fulfill their goals and mission

The real beacons don’t intrude

they have manners because they aren’t devils who invaded another’s body

they are compassionate and considerate humans

there is more to life than beacons and signs

but still be sure to learn which are important to you

and which are really just dust.

The Remedy for Infatuation

The Remedy for Infatuation

Every once in a while I come across people with certain characteristics that I want to experience more of. Often times it is because their manner of exchanging communicative signals and social games is similar to mine, so the conversation keeps going even if nothing of useful substance is actually being said.  And key, we both enjoy it, or seem to, because we keep doing it.

Infatuation evolves out of wanting to interact but not being able to get enough of the interaction.  So the mind essentially improvises, to my dismay.  Now the person ceases to exist to me in their real form.  I unknowingly create an extra-added layer of perception, which I end up rationalizing as real because my mind is great at making up perfect scenarios to fulfill the excess emotion that isn’t properly stimulated by the external world.   It creates confusion between whom I’m actually thinking of and whom I’m actually in the presence of. This makes me nervous, because I start having difficulty acting normal since I don’t actually know the person well enough to know if how I perceive them is actually how they are. Thus how I want to behave is held back in fear that I perceive the situation incorrectly.   The remedy: to actually hang out with the person as much as possible until I find that one thing about the person that I absolutely cannot put up with.   This dulls the emotional need to incorporate the person into my thoughts.  Once they are out of my thoughts, I’m free of the person I was hoping they would be.

Social Experiments

Social Experiments

I realized that my keenness to practice patience often places me beyond my comfort zone (not necessarily negative). I enjoy being patient because I like so much to see what assumptions of mine are correct and which turn out to be incorrect, or just a liitle off, etc, etc. So I sit and wait and watch until I’ve gathered enough evidence to support a social theory, which could be negative or positive. At times I throw in a little extra fuel until either an external force throws me off the scent or I get bored with the test because the signals no longer confuse me. Once the mix becomes homogenized, I stamp that layer as “solved” and begin work on the next most confusing thing, which luckily, at this moment, is myself. Swan diving into my psyche is just far more interesting once someone gives me a good reason to put my walls up.